


12x19 Coda

by FunnyWings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x19 Coda, Angst, M/M, Phone Conversations, coda fic, come for sadness stay for sadness, mind controlled!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 22:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10751334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunnyWings/pseuds/FunnyWings
Summary: There’s just quiet breathing on the other end. Dean listens for a good fifteen seconds before he finally says something.“Why don’t you ever answer the fucking phone?”





	12x19 Coda

It’s three in the morning and it’s been three days since Cas left him and Sam unconscious at Heaven’s gates.

Not that Dean’s bitter or anything.

There’s anger, and then there’s anger. Because this would just be another hit, another disappointment if he hadn’t tried so damn hard this time to-

Dean sits up and pinches the bridge of his nose before turning on the light. He’s not going to be sleeping anyway. It’s almost instinctual reaching for his phone and letting it dial. As the rings go on, he knows that it’s going to go to voicemail. He knows it so deep down that he’s already preparing to mouth along to Cas’ stupid fucking voicemail after the dial tone sounds…

That’s when he becomes aware of the fact that there’s no soft ringing coming from the phone anymore. No “Make your voice a mail”. Instead there’s just quiet breathing on the other end. Dean listens for a good fifteen seconds before he finally says something.

“Why don’t you ever answer the fucking phone?”

Cas’ breathing doesn’t change. There’s no impatient inhale of anger or other sign that Dean has upset him in any way. Nothing marking him as human right now, and God why was it so easy to forget that this is Castiel, original flavor? Untouchable, unknowable, above question.

“I didn’t know how to remove the tracking app at first,” Castiel said at last. “And I assumed you’d be angry.”

“Angry doesn’t even begin to cover what I’m feeling right now.”

“I understand. But Dean, you have to see… you wanted a better way. This child-“

“You said it was a monster.”

“I was wrong,” Castiel said. His voice had a note of blissed out awe to it that hit Dean right in the gut. How could he sound so fucking happy? “Dean, he chose me. And he showed me a future where everything is finally right.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” said Dean. He swallowed, and switched his phone between hands to buy him time before- “Just come home and we’ll… we’ll get you better. He did something to you, but we’ll fix it and everything will be-“

“The same. Everything will be the same as it always is.”

“Is that really so fucking bad?” Dean asked. “I… I don’t know what you want from me. Cas, I don’t have anything left.”

Castiel didn’t respond, and Dean rushed to fill the space, too exhausted to think much before he spoke.

“I call you every day. I trust you more than pretty much anyone else no matter how many times you- you’ve pulled this shit on me a lot, okay? I feel fucking sick when I don’t know where you are, and no matter what I do it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. Well, this is me, Cas. No bullshit. This is all there is.”

“I know,” Castiel said softly. “I’m doing my best, too. And soon I’ll do better, you’ll see.”

“I don’t want you to do better. I want you to come home.”

Cas was quiet for so long, Dean thought maybe, just maybe, he had him. Then again, all of his instincts where Cas were concerned seemed to be skewed since… forever. So it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when Cas said:

“I can’t live in your and Sam’s shadow the rest of my life. I need purpose. I need faith,” said Cas. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t try to take this away from me.”

It was like all of the air went out of Dean’s lungs.

“If you were in your right head, you wouldn’t say shit like that.”

“Dean-“

“No, no, no. I can’t go through this again. How many more people have to pry open your head? How many more fucking times do I have to watch you lose yourself and-“

“Kelly killed herself,” Castiel interrupted, surprising Dean into pausing in what might have been the start of a breakdown. “She slit her wrists open in a bathtub. The baby saved her.”

Dean has a visceral flashback to another death he’d rather not remember and misses a few words of the next sentence.

“—I’ve thought about it before. When I’ve been hopeless.”

“Cas,” Dean grit out, because he remembered that conversation too. That short lived conversation in which Cas said he didn’t want to be around anymore and Dean said nothing, because what the hell do you say to that? There weren’t words.

“I’m trying to tell you I’m not losing myself. I’ve finally been found.”

And Dean was officially out of fucks to give when it came to trying to talk reason with Cas version… what was it now 5.0?

“I’m going to find you-“

“I didn’t think you would understand.”

“-and I’m going to fix whatever this is-“

“Dean.”

“-and then I’m going to chain you to a fucking chair for a week.”

“I’m sure you’ll try.”

And then he hung up. Which, fine, that’s just… swell. The bottom of a beer bottle was calling Dean’s name anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> There was no phone destiel this episode so I wrote some because why not.


End file.
